| Which one would you use when giving your child | | | | message speaks directly to the problem as well as |
| directions? | | | | the solution. |
| | | | It is important to send a message to your children that |
| That room is a mess, clean it up! ... I am sick and tired | | | | you are correcting a situation not criticizing the child. |
| of your messes! ... | | | | Children hear demands and negatives as threatening. |
| Or | | | | Children need to hear what they are doing wrong and |
| Your room needs cleaning, please do that now. | | | | how to correct the situation. |
| Stop the yelling! ... I am sick and tired of hearing you | | | | Children internalize messages similar to us adults. |
| scream! | | | | They feel hurt when they are chastised and although |
| | | | our job, as parents, is to teach our children, we need to |
| After reading each sample above, which one sounds | | | | be careful the message they are receiving. |
| better? | | | | Most of us get tired of repeating ourselves. When we |
| Or | | | | feel we have said it enough times, whether it be that |
| Use inside voices or go outside and play. | | | | particular day or this is the same song we have sang |
| Look at what your muddy shoes did to my floor! ... You | | | | too many times, we get frustrated and our tempers |
| know better! | | | | can begin to flare. Sending the wrong message can do |
| Or | | | | more damage. Children will shrink from harsh words |
| Your shoes are muddy, please take them off and | | | | rather than resolve the situation. |
| clean up the mess. | | | | Before you are frustrated and tired of repeating |
| We know that having kids means having dirty floors | | | | yourself, take a stand. Tell the child, in a loving but firm |
| from time-to-time, having less money, repeating | | | | tone, that they must follow your directions before they |
| ourselves and feel wiped out a lot of the time. | | | | can do anything else. If their room needs cleaned, shut |
| Normally, we all handle the responsibilities of parenting | | | | off their t.v. and all other entertainment devices, take |
| with a smile but occasionally we just don't think, or, at | | | | them to their room and either help them get started or |
| that particular moment, do not care. | | | | leave them in there until the job is done (depending on |
| After we have said our peace, we typically catch | | | | their age, ability and task.) The first few times may be |
| ourselves and wish we would have said it differently. | | | | a battle and it may exhaust you but children learn |
| We will NEVER be perfect parents and we should not | | | | quickly. If they figure out you mean business they will |
| berate ourselves for our mistakes, but, we should try | | | | lose their desire to be obstinate and complete the task. |
| to teach the children by giving them clear and precise | | | | The next time you direct them they will take you more |
| directions without personal attacks. | | | | seriously and the frustration level will decrease. |
| In each of the above examples the messages | | | | Remember, keep your messages loving but firm, clear |
| basically imply the same thing but the first is more | | | | and concise and specifically about the problem, not the |
| accusatory. The second is clear and concise on the | | | | child. Make sure your message states the problem as |
| issue and directive. The first displays anger, the second | | | | well as a solution. |